“Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.”
Maya Angelou
Back in 2012, a series of major events forced me to re-evaluate my life. It started with a split from my long-term partner, followed by the inevitable selling of our house, and just as all that was happening I was made redundant from my job. Like a game of snakes and ladders, I went from climbing the ladder of life to sliding back to square one in a few short moves. I looked at the person I had become and just didn’t know where to start in finding my ‘bright’ again. I felt so vulnerable and full of fear, like a lost child.
It was during that time that a good friend gave me a book to read – and as an avid reader and lover of words and learning (again, see my first blog post!), I read it cover to cover within hours.
That book was ‘Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway’, by Susan Jeffers. I read it from beginning to end without putting it down, soaking up every word of every page, and it was Chapter 8 that hit home the most – How Whole is your ‘Whole’ Life? I was struck by the realisation that I had become emotionally tied to my work and my relationship, at the expense of the other aspects that give us a full life. And suddenly without them, I felt empty.
I’m not going to lie, after that realisation it was a tough few months of facing my fears and refilling my life, but I started by returning to what I knew made me happy before I had neither the relationship or the career – I set about rediscovering my childhood passions.
What were your childhood passions? I bet there is something from your younger days that you look back on with affection and memories of joyful times. Perhaps there is a sporting activity, or maybe a creative hobby? Or is it spending time in nature? Or your head burrowed in a book, escaping into stories of other worlds and places? For me it was a variety of these, so I started filling the gaps in my life with something safe and familiar at first.
On My Own, rebuilding brick by brick
Swimming was something I could do on my own, and it gave me that alone time to switch off, zone out and focus on just one thing. It was so beneficial to both my physical and mental wellbeing, giving me strength and a goal. I could do as much or as little as I felt able to and if I wanted to cry, no one could tell! Each time I went I set myself a target for how many lengths I could do, and as I got stronger physically, so did I gain confidence too.
With my confidence and physical strength increasing, the former child gymnast within me then found circus and acrobatics – a trapeze class in a nearby town was the start of what is now a big part of my life. There was a point when I nearly spent my life savings on a campervan, and had my mum worried I was going to literally run away to the circus, but I decided to settle in Sheffield instead. Discovering there was a circus school was just one of several ‘coincidences’ that drew me back to the Steel City I now call home.
The roller discos of my teens were the inspiration to buy some roller boots and then what do you do? Try roller derby of course! For several months I filled the void of Sunday mornings with derby practice and rediscovered my competitive side too. Learning a new skill whilst also getting fit, and meeting new people – fun, fitness and friendship all in one!
Forging New Foundations
Then a hen weekend in Sheffield (yes, coincidence) was a turning point, and a huge fear was faced head-on: dating. For someone who had last dated in the late 1990s when mobile phones were still the size of bricks and no-one had heard of Google, let alone Match.com, this was a truly terrifying scenario – but with safety in numbers and supported by a bit of ‘dutch courage’ I faced the fear and gave a guy my number for the first time ever. A few dates followed, but it soon fizzled out as we both realised I wasn’t ready to fill that part of my life just yet. However, I will be always thankful for that hen weekend, and the new friendships I ‘forged’ in the Steel City.
The hen weekend was inevitably then followed a few weeks later by a wedding in the beautiful Peak District, and it was days after that I found my job was coming to an end. After the breakdown of my long-term relationship, and with the sale of our home being finalised, it could have so easily been the straw that broke the camel’s back. I was single, homeless and jobless – and for some, that would be seen as rock bottom. But having rebuilt my strength both physically and mentally by filling other areas of my life, I was able to see it as an opportunity to start afresh.
What makes somewhere ‘home’
So the former Sheffield student made the decision to return ‘home’, with the amazing countryside on the doorstep, with the benefits of city life and the opportunities that offers, yet a local village feel that is what makes Sheffield so great. I put my furniture in storage, rented a room, and the sensible side of me set about securing a new job rather than buying that campervan! It’s still a bucket list goal, but in the meantime, I bought a tent instead, and rediscovered more childhood loves of camping and climbing – exploring the Peak District with my new circus ‘family’. It’s fair to say I have a whole life again these days, and so, in turn, I have little to fear.
So why am I sharing this with you now? Well, it’s a big part of my story and my journey. That book triggered a shift in mindset for me when I was at my lowest point. Rather than blaming anyone else, or using my past as an excuse, I realised only I could change my life, and that each small change I made led to big change overall. By taking small steps, balancing the familiar with the new, I gained the strength and confidence to make big changes by myself, for myself.
So looking at your life, what small step could you take today to bring about big changes? What one brick in your foundations could you lay to build the life you dream of?
