“I define connection as the energy that exists between people when they feel seen, heard, and valued; when they can give and receive without judgment; and when they derive sustenance and strength from the relationship.” ~ Brené Brown
In the first of my blog posts in this series, I introduced the Five Ways to Wellbeing – and here I will discuss the first of these – CONNECT.
I’m an introvert by nature, meaning I’m generally not overly sociable, choosing to spend time in my own company as opposed to that of others. Whilst alone time is good for us all, too much of it is not always good for our mental health. But I have learnt that ‘Connecting with Others’ doesn’t mean I have to be saying yes to social gatherings, going to big events or having a huge group of friends. Making connections can be done in small ways. Every person you cross paths with is an opportunity to connect.
Got just a few minutes?
It might be smiling at that person you see at the bus stop, or dropping a text to a friend to ask how they are. Or planning a catch up in person. Perhaps it’s chatting to the person at the checkout as they scan your shopping. These positive but brief interactions help build connections and brighten not only our day but those with who we connect with too.
Got an hour?
Maybe it’s calling a family member to share about your day. Perhaps it’s lunch with a work colleague. Or meeting up with a friend for a cuppa, (whether in person or virtually) spending some quality time with someone who needs your support or company.
Perhaps longer?
Got a group of friends you haven’t seen for a while? Organise a day out with them, doing something you can all enjoy, making memories and connections that can last a lifetime. This can also often extend your social group as friends of friends join in.
As we get older we tend to move away and may not spend lots of time with family, so how could you connect with them more? Perhaps on your next visit home, you can spend some time getting to know your family, sharing memories and understanding more about your past.
Making more connections
Want to expand your social network? Then find ways to meet people who share your interests! Having at least one thing in common gives you an instant connection. There any many online platforms that allow even the least sociable of us to find a group of like-minded individuals, doing everything from sports to knitting to journalling, and everything in between. Here are some examples:
Facebook / LinkedIn– if you just want to keep it online then Facebook groups are a great start and can help you find out more about a given topic in an online community of others who share that interest. If you are wanting more business-minded connections then LinkedIn groups are also a great way to build your network and to connect with people in your industry.
Meetup – if you want to meet in person, then platforms such as Meetup help groups of people with shared interests to plan events and facilitates offline group meetings.
NextDoor – social networking apps such as NextDoor help people find support from their local community for all sorts of needs from lending tools and equipment, to recommendations for tradespersons, and suggested local events. As they describe it “There are so many ways our neighbours can help us, we just need an easier way to connect with them”.
Real World sources – check out what’s going on in your neighbourhood, whether it’s looking at the village green noticeboard, the nearby community centre, in the post office or the supermarket, or even posted in the local chippy, there will be somewhere that your local activities are being promoted, and hopefully something that suits you.
Eventbrite – used more for paid events at pre-planned times, this is a great source for activities coming up both local and national, and yet another way to meet in person (or virtual if webinars), on a ticket only basis.
Find what works for you
I spend much of my workday talking on the phone, building connections. What it’s shown me is that I’m comfortable in a 121 situation, and where I’m very much the expert providing the advice. As a trainer, I’m also confident standing up in front of a group of people, again when I’m the ‘expert’ so feel more at ease. In new group situations, however, I tend to be the quiet reflective one, listening as everyone else chips in their two pence worth to the debate. But even being quiet, in the company of others I am still building connections. I also know I’m not the one to organise large gatherings of friends, for various reasons, but I know the friends who will, and am happy to join in when it works for me.
If you are less comfortable in a new group situation, then perhaps ask a friend if they would come along with you the first time, and remember you won’t be the only one who’s a newbie when it’s a one-off event. Perhaps reach out to the organiser beforehand to let them know of any concerns so they can put your mind at rest or identify someone who can look out for you.
There are many ways to connect with friends and family, or even to make new connections, and it doesn’t have to be at community events or in big gatherings. Make the most of technology – video chat apps like Skype, Zoom and FaceTime are a great way of staying in touch with friends and family, particularly if you don’t live near to each other, or you can’t easily meet in person.
The benefits and the science
The benefits of social connectedness shouldn’t be overlooked – taking the time to build a social support network is a wise investment not only in your mental well-being but also in your physical health and longevity. Human beings are inherently social creatures. Social groups provide us with an important part of our identity, and more than that, they teach us a set of skills that help us to live our lives. Evidence shows that social connection improves physical health and mental and emotional well-being. It has been shown that people who feel connected to others have lower levels of anxiety and depression. Moreover, these studies also show those people have higher self-esteem, greater empathy for others, are more trusting and cooperative and, as a consequence, others are more open to trusting and cooperating with them. In other words, social connectedness generates a positive feedback loop of social, emotional and physical well-being. And for those introverts amongst us (like me!) don’t worry… the key is quality over quantity – you simply need to feel connected.
So how have you connected today? What might you do tomorrow or next week to build stronger connections or make new ones?
